This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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