alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
