All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
