There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
