watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this just has baby written all over it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
