So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
