So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
