having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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