Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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  (901): Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome. http://tfl.nu/dlib
  Replies (23) Good night (1738) Bad night (3376)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

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  (312): dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it. http://tfl.nu/1896
  Replies (22) Good night (1034) Bad night (8453)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4759) Bad night (2295)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts

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  (801): The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts http://tfl.nu/uckw
  Replies (10) Good night (1312) Bad night (3227)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..

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  (303): you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing.. http://tfl.nu/daro
  Replies (6) Good night (985) Bad night (3226)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.

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  (616): i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins. http://tfl.nu/oy0i
  Replies (9) Good night (2263) Bad night (1175)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...

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  (419): She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in... http://tfl.nu/af00
  Replies (6) Good night (1690) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

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  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (5) Good night (5308) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

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  (510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx
  Replies (4) Good night (3185) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am

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  (724): I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed. (412): I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am http://tfl.nu/5n3j
  Replies (9) Good night (3030) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.

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  (817): It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila. http://tfl.nu/g1g0
  Replies (5) Good night (1590) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.

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  (239): Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day. http://tfl.nu/tiwu
  Replies (6) Good night (1112) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.

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  (941): He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud. http://tfl.nu/s98m
  Replies (18) Good night (2502) Bad night (651)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.

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  (507): My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/u9b9
  Replies (0) Good night (754) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.

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  (732): She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me. http://tfl.nu/djoc
  Replies (4) Good night (274) Bad night (405)

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