Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

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  (703): I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking. http://tfl.nu/6jrt
  Replies (146) Good night (4562) Bad night (978)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.

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  (732): So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes. http://tfl.nu/cehz
  Replies (5) Good night (701) Bad night (4140)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.

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  (251): He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me. http://tfl.nu/9j20
  Replies (58) Good night (3953) Bad night (710)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...

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  (715): and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat... http://tfl.nu/4hvy
  Replies (26) Good night (2308) Bad night (3395)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?

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  (321): I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad? http://tfl.nu/p7vn
  Replies (39) Good night (766) Bad night (4585)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

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  (630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34
  Replies (31) Good night (1118) Bad night (5378)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?

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  (210): beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon? http://tfl.nu/djkx
  Replies (17) Good night (3915) Bad night (606)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i got excepted to unl lol

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You mean "accepted".

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  (402): i got excepted to unl lol (402): You mean "accepted". http://tfl.nu/3nr7
  Replies (76) Good night (1726) Bad night (6156)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He probs deserved it.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Every good man does.

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  (317): I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell. (260): He probs deserved it. (317): Every good man does. http://tfl.nu/4ma5
  Replies (32) Good night (5621) Bad night (1795)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.

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  (808): I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup. http://tfl.nu/a5xy
  Replies (4) Good night (859) Bad night (1604)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom

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  (612): Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom http://tfl.nu/d012
  Replies (5) Good night (1601) Bad night (738)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?

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  (706): He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/9suz
  Replies (32) Good night (1455) Bad night (4875)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.

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  (770): We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts. http://tfl.nu/3snk
  Replies (2) Good night (1508) Bad night (490)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.

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  (937): I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it. http://tfl.nu/wtlk
  Replies (8) Good night (2407) Bad night (559)
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  (925): View more from California

  Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.

  (650): View more from California

  Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.

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  (925): Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to. (650): Its a good thing to know for upcoming events. http://tfl.nu/a1ga
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (307)

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