mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..