I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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