her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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