That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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