Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we made out on top of his cat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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