She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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