you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
