i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
