I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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