with your own penis?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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