Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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