so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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