using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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