The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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