I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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