So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he thought i was a dude.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
