In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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