I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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