I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
