we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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