the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
