well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
