Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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