What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
