All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
