you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
