i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
