I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
