Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
