he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
