Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is my gift to your gina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
