Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This baby is an asshole
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
