you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
