Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
