doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
