My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
