I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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