i think my tv is drunk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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