is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
