I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
