I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
