watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
