I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
