Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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