I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
