Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
