hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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