next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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