Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Randomize
